Y Thursday, December 15, 2005Y
11:55 PM
For Laogong...
Have you noticed that we've not quarrelled for weeks and weeks already? Did you not see that I've changed in terms of my temper? Don't you think it was good enough? Why have you become so different from the past? Is it because you're slowing revealing your true self to me, finally? Or it is because you've changed?
From the caring and understanding,
loving and good-tempered,
never leaving me in lurch,
always replying my smses whenever possible,
hoax me when I'm down,
long to hear my voice always,
sweet chats,
darling boyfriend
to being a guy who's verbal abusive to his so-called beloved girlfriend, who no longer keeps his promises, threatens to slap girlfriend and ignores girlfriend...
Why do I always hear you telling me that we should have a good chat but it never happens? I would always end up hearing you, telling me about my bad points, berating me on and on...Have you never thought of what you've done? How you've treated me? Why did I get angry? You always push the blame onto me, not every single thing is your fault, you've always mentioned.. So does that means, for every single thing that we've quarelled over, is my fault? You've no idea how hurt I was when you've shouted at me that day, you've really made me hated you so much but the more I hated you, the more I could'nt bear to leave you...
I'm not looking forward to getting married to you as I did in the past, how could I when you're like this? I'm scared of getting married, it's a phobia of mine now...Millions, billions or perhaps zillions of thoughts had probably ran through my mind...I fear that we're eventually not meant to be, a marriage would only end up to be a disaster...I would only be following in my parents' footstep, divorce being the only way...If all these had not happened, I would not have thought so much...You've always thought that I'm controlling you, well perhaps it is true cuz deep down inside my heart, I never wanted for you to leave me...I take all things too seriously, including you...You've mentioned that you would help me whenever possible but the one helping me, had turned out to be myself not you...You've never once helped, you've only continued adding on pressure to my already exsisting burden...I've saddened a lot more...