Y Wednesday, December 28, 2005Y
12:59 AM
27December2005,Wednesday I overslept again, and Laogong did not came to fetch me at all...Why is everything back to square one again? Just the day before x'mas, we made up and now again it's happening...I'm really growing to hate him more and more each day...Laogong promised me, after that day we've made up, that he'll not let this kinda thing happen again...But look, now it's starting again...Laogong is not the one I used to love already, he's become another person now or is he finally revealing his wicked side to me? We're just not the same old sweet couple that I thought we're...Everything's changed...
I made Laogong came to my house and fetch me, and he did...But, when on the way back to his house till we're in his room...There was only silence, I felt so awkard but just went to sleep on a side of his bed...All the while, I never once scolded him for showing me attitude but if it were to be the "me" in the past, I would already have started a quarrel with him again...But I did not!! I wanted peace between us, it has become so different now...Then Laogong became normal again and began to pull me over to his side and hugged me to sleep...I presumed that everything was fine so I fell asleep too...I woke up again at 2.30pm and left Laogong's house, I headed down to Far East to find Fiona for my hair-curling session...I knew Laogong would hate me for not being able to wait, so when I left his house I did not even bothered to kiss him and tell him that I was leaving...
I reached Far East at around 3.30pm or so, and Fiona helped me trimmed my hair then shampooed my hair and began applying the treatment on my hair...We chatted through out and time passed on much easier...Fiona curled my hair using curlers and then let my hair set for like 20 or 30plus minutes (I guess), after applying some solutions to it...I waited patiently, Fiona even treated me to coke while I was waiting for my hair to be ready, she's such a amicable person...Alas, my hair was ready and Fiona washed my hair again...Then Fiona trimmed my hair a little more and I had fringes!! The last part was finished off with a blowing-dry, Fiona gave me tips to maintaing my curls and even suggested that I should purchase a spray-mist, but I did not buy...But i did promised her that I'll go back and buy the spray-mist from her once I got my salary...*Grins...Then, home i went...
On my way back, inside the train...I smsed Laogong and asked why is he not worried that I was not by his side sleeping when he woke up, all he said was " ooh..where you go huh................" I was already saddened and fed up a little when I read it...So after a year being together, this was all he asked...After a year, I'm nothing to him anymore...Has my existence really diminished? I've not heard him saying that I'm the most important person to him anymore, I no longer hear him telling me that the person he cant bear to leave most, is me...I don't hear him saying that he's afraid of me leaving anymore...All I had were, scoldings and hang-up of calls from Laogong...We smsed each other while I was onboard the train, and then I called up Laogong cuz I wanted to hear his voice...I had only wanted a nice chat with him before he starts work but all I had was his angry tone and questionings and beratings...Laogong spoke more through the conversation while I kept quiet cuz I really did'nt wanna quarrel anymore, I so sick and tired of it...Time and again, this happens...All I wanted was a peaceful and sweet chat, but in the end I hang up Laogong's call cuz I could'nt take it anymore...
Now, we're still arguing over what happened...I'm really upset...It's really tiring to continue on...Laogong says all the stuffs that I've blogged about are bullshit, he says even though I've mentioned that I was at fault during our quarrels in my blogs but I don't feel remorseful to him at all...All the while I'm typing this, my tears are really flowing...Believe it or not, it's up to him...In the past, whenever people ask if Laogong and I would get married...I'll always talk about it happily, even told them that it will happen 2years later but now, I always tell them "I don't know, not so fast"...I've lost hope already...Yet, all that I've done and blogged about were just rubbish to Laogong...Let's just end it all...My (once vibrant) heart is now, dead...My deep feelings has fade away, I no longer have the strength to carry on...Please let go of me, let go all these miseries...Perhaps, we'll be happier this way...Perhaps, we're not meant to be after all...Thanks for being with me all the past one year plus...Thanks for bringing me so much happiness, so overwhelming that I've never felt from anyone but you...Thank you for everything...