Y Monday, October 31, 2005Y
2:21 AM
29October2005, SaturdayI quarrelled with Laogong again...Haiz...I'm sick and tired of quarrelling already but I always could'nt control my temper well enough...I'm a demanding girlfriend, that I'm very sure of...Perhaps, I've always been necglected in the past so when I have a reliable person to lean on, I began to put my everything, my wishes, my standards into this person...And, guess who's the guy? Correct!! Tommy, is it...
I know I've done a lot of hurtful things to Laogong...Sorry, Laogong! I still love you very much...After the quarrel, I began to think back and thought a lot about how I behaved...Laogong is already a 100% good guy who eventually, will turn out to be a prospectic, faithful, caring, understanding and responsible husband...I'm very sure of the above sentence that I've typed, "God" has given me a precious "gem" but I did'nt knew how to treasure this "gem" of mine...I demanded a lot from Laogong and most of the times or should I say all the time, Laogong gave in to me...
In the past, long before I've met Laogong, my life has been in a mess...I've not led a "happy" life, my family had problems which are always not resolved...I've seen, been with quite a number of friends...Some really cared while some really disappointed me...I've also been into a couple of relationships which now if I reminsence, I would laugh at myself...I made a fool out of myself, same as to some poor guys whom I've never taken seriously...I had no specific goal to follow, but only led a aimless living in this world...I would always admire other couples I saw on the streets, though I'm accompanied by some great friends but deep inside I've always longed for a companion...Friends could'nt possibly be with you as and when you might need them, sure they can comfort you when you're down but love for a friend is always different from love for that special person...
Laogong and I have been together for a year and half now, and it's still counting...I have a goal now, which you might consider quite silly but this goal of mine, is every girl's dream...Just that, it depends the time...You should be clear about my goal right now, huh? Yes, I wanna get married to Tommy...This is my goal, or wish you might like to think as...So, I thought back and then I think about my future with Laogong in it...I knew it deep down that if I want to achieve this, I should really do something about my temper, character, behaviour...If I continue going on at this rate, as if ordering and pushing Laogong here and there...I would bound to lose my "gem" and may never get to retrieve it...This precious "gem" of mine would then be handed to someone else who might be able to treasure it more than I do..."SHE", perhaps would treat Laogong more importantly...
Of course, I do not want this to happen!! But, I know it will if I continue being so hot-headed...Whenever I quarrelled with Laogong and I mentioned some very serious issues, I would always picture Laogong with another woman...I, no longer involved in his life seeing Laogong hugging another woman, laughing with her...Smiling at her, holding her hands, looking at her with love-lorn eyes, kissing her lips...My tears would roll down unexpectedly, I always regretted my words after I thought about this...I know that I would never be able to wish to see this happen, I just cannot accept this...So, I hope from now on, I could do my best in controlling my temper...Although, this is my nature but somehow or rather, I've gotta do it cuz I don't want my nightmare to come true...
I know, Laogong...You will definately read my blog...Then come ask or talk to me afterwards...Cuz this is always what you do after you've read my blog entries...I know that I've been a bad Laopo to you...I've said a lot of mean things but the last thing I ever not want to see, is you leaving me...I don't know how to apologise to you for doing you so much hurt...Thank you, for not walking out on me and still loving me...I love you too...