Y Saturday, October 22, 2005Y
8:52 PM
21october2005, FridayLaogong's off day again...I woke up at 6plus in the morning that day to make tonic soup for Laogong...Then I played Maple for awhile before Laogong came and then fetched me back to his house...
We went out at 4plus in the afternoon to go to Bugis, cuz Laogong wanted to get the "rs-mmc" for his new phone N7610...We fell out at Sim Lim Square because of me again...Apparently, I got angry at Laogong for buying a 70bucks "rs mcc"..I told Laogong not to buy it but he chose to turn a deaf ear on me, so I walked out on him and stormed out of Sim Lim Square...I was fumming all the way when I got out Sim Lim Square, Laogong smsed me and asked me where I was...I ignored his smses but bumped into him outside Sim Lim Square, Laogong grabbed my hand and asked me what I wanted from him...I kept quiet and tried to make my way to the mrt station, along were shoutings and strugglings between me and Laogong...
Laogong then pulled me aside and we quarrelled even more, with a lot of passer-bys staring...I walked off again and went to take the mrt, I was really mad and sad so I did not really board the train...Silly Laogong thought I was no longer at the station so he took the train, all the way to Tiong Bahru...Laogong had only knew I had'nt left Bugis mrt station at all when I smsed him, Laogong was also fumming but still came looking for me...I remained silent and got out of the station with Laogong, he too kept quiet...I sat down at one of the benches along side of the bus stop at Bugis and Laogong stood beside...Laogong and I quarrelled again and I cried a few times, dragging and dragging the time...
I had wanted to forgive him and continue spending the rest of the night peacefully but I could'nt, the more I talked to Laogong the more he retaliates...Laogong's retaliation had only made me more angry and sad...Once again I got up and walked back to the mrt station, Laogong tried to stop me again but eventually relented and gave me back my card...I did'nt wanted him to follow behind me so then we quarrelled again in the station, with a lot of people walking by and staring...I could'nt care or give a damn about those pests so I cried in the public, Laogong standing by my side...
Laogong kept asking me to go have dinner with him so I did in the end, but then again instead of heading into the V8, I went shopping...I thought Laogong would come pay for my clothes so that I can find an excuse for myself to cease the anger inside, but Laogong was ignorant...I continued being difficult and only went to the foodcourt with Laogong after a long shopping trip...Laogong asked me what I wanted to eat but I kept quiet all the while until late night then I said I wanted "Fish & Chips"...Laogong and I ate the same food and then we went off, I was still pissed off...We never talked along the way, I went into Parco and sat near the fountain...Laogong was getting lethargic and pleaded with me to go home with him...I ignored him and then walked to the arcade at Parco...I thought Laogong would bring me there and try to catch a plush toy to hoax me but he did'nt so I went there myself...I left him at the fountain alone, I soon recieved Laogong's call and I told him where I was...It was only then, Laogong had knew what to do...But I could'nt care more or less about him and I digged my wallet for coins and tried to catch one plush toy myself...Eventually I caught a "Marie" kitty myself, Laogong by my side watching...But i was'nt the least happy, then we left the place and boarded the last train back to Boon Lay...
Laogong and I took the bus back to my house and I went to sleep immediately, only to wake up in the late morning and not seeing Laogong by my side sleeping...But there was a "big breakfast" set placed on my mini table...I checked my handphone for Laogong's smses but there was none from him...I smsed him in the end and Laogong appeared minutes later in my house...I ignored Laogong still and he cried...Only then did we made up and I got Laogong to stop crying, then we went to Jurong Point and get Teck Sheng's (my secondary sch senior) present...We went back to Laogong's house after I had bought the present...I fiddled around with his handphone while he had gone for a shower hoping to find an sms which says that he is not going to work tonight...I know I'm selfish but I really wanted Laogong to accompany me more, I'll be starting work very soon and I could'nt really spend the day before with Laogong nicely...But I knew it deep inside my heart that Laogong would definately go for his work...
Then I happened to see the note he had typed into his handphone and I cried upon reading it...This was roughly what he typed inside:
Dear, Cheryl..I've always loved you and I know that I am always bringing you unhappiness and disasters...The things I've bought, you can keep them as gifts from me...I would send the singtel bill to your house every month..I hope someone else could be able to bring you happiness..
I was completely shattered when I read it, my tears flowing uncontrollably...Just then, Laogong came into the room and saw me holding on to his handphone, crying at the same time...Laogong panicked and asked me what happened...I refused to tell him anything but continued crying...I was shocked that Laogong had actually had the message ready and that he was ready to leave me alone...I knew I had always been wildful and my temper is a really bad one to boot, but "you" should know that I never meant my words before, not now and not in the future too...I could'nt believe my eyes, and I thought Laogong had really loved me...I still feel sad after Laogong found out himself that I had looked into his "note" but I never admit it when Laogong questioned me about it...Laogong accompanied me until 7plus in the night, walked me back to place and I saw him off in a taxi...Laogong ensured me that the "note" was not real and that it was only typed in the morning when he was really upset...But i guessed if I had continued ignoring Laogong, the "note" might be send to me...I still feel depressed as I typed out this entry...
I think it's time that I should pay the pychiatrist a visit to determine if I'm a despondent soon...