12oct2005, Wednesday

I had a really bad morning today!! Had a really fierce fight with Laogong...I was the one who picked on Laogong first and eventually it got worst...

I overslept and did'nt knew Laogong had called me on my hp then Laogong showed up at my house...I was really tired due to mapling the night before so I could'nt really get myself to wake up at once...Laogong was probably by my side for a short 15minutes or so, then he told me that he was going off...I thought Laogong was pulling my leg as usual as to get me to wake up, but when I woke up finally, Laogong was gone...

I smsed Laogong to ask him where he was and wanted him to come back to my house...Laogong did'nt want to and asked me go to his house myself...I went beserk and started smsing Laogong vulgurities, nothing could stop me from being so "hot"...Laogong had no choice but to come back to my house and fetch me, reluntantly...I ignored Laogong all the while then went out of my house, took the lift down without waiting for him...He yelled Ch*e B*e at me when he caught up with me...I was crushed...

Laogong was pissed off by my atittude that he rode off back to his house without telling me...Stupid me, thought that Laogong would follow behind...In the end, I stood somewhere on the pathway near his block and cried...I called Laogong and he scolded me...I was so upset that I could'nt say anything but only "wo qu si ge ni kan" (translate: I'll attempt suicide, you just wait and see) Alright, this line might be a little too scary but I did'nt really meant it...I only had the intentions of scaring Laogong, making him worry and go look for me...

I walked back to my house, crying along the way...Laogong smsed me "where are you now? F*cking B*tch..." I was so upset, I did'nt reply his messages...Minutes after I've reached home, Laogong came...We both yelled at the top of our lungs at each other, then I saw Laogong raised his hand as if he wanted to slap me...I broke down completely...I told Laogong to slap me if he really wants to, and if he did, it'll be all over between the both of us...(How could you even bear to do this to me? Had you no idea that my heart was completely shattered the moment you raised ur hand? You've promised before never to lay your hands on me, but you almost did it today...)

The both of us kept quiet then Laogong carried me into my room with my struggling, crying...Laogong began to apologise to me and wiped my tears plus "mucus" off...We made up but I still could'nt bring myself to talk to Laogong so we both remained quiet on the way back to his house...Laogong got to sleep soon and I looked in the newspaper for job opportunities...

I arranged to meet up with Ah Ger to go catch a movie before I go for an interview, but we both were late for the afternoon show, so we headed down to Orchard...We reached the place for my interview at 5pm after it had ended, Ah Ger and I went to Far East...I was'nt at all happy but still hid my feelings and tried to enjoy myself...I tried to indulge myself in a shopping spree and I did...After buying Elene's presents, Ah Ger and I continued walking around Far East and then we went into New World Order...I saw a cute tank top which actually cames in couple ones so I bought the same design for myself and 1 for Laogong...

TO: Whoever it may concerns...I was confused...Here am I so upset and angry and so unsatisfied with him but yet I still care for him, buying stuffs for him...In hope that he'll be happy when I give it to him...Am i hopeless? I really have no idea...I just don't know what I'm doing...Perhaps, I don't even know if I've really loved him before...Maybe I was looking for only a companion to play and fool around with...(What??) I'm such a b*tch, I know...

After that, we went to TopShop at Wisma Atria...I bought 2boxers for myself and a set of boxers for Laogong at TopMan...Ah Ger and I went off at about 8plus in the night...Then we took the bus back to our homes...