Y Friday, August 05, 2005Y
1:03 AM
Rainy Days Describes My Feelings Best...
(sorry guys, i'm kinda used to having small fonts cuz it looks nicer and neater...but for now this post will remain normal size for better reading pleasure...=D)
Weathers nowadays, always rainy in the mornings and sometimes afternoon as well...Always raining just as I'm about to go for work...It sucks, but I've still gotta work...(-_-)" Laogong's been working at his company as a maintenence technician for around 3 months plus already...Now that he's confirmed by his company, Laogong has started working night shift since 1st Aug instead of day shift...I hated this arrangement somehow....
"WORK"...this is only a job and i'm just going for work not only for work's sake but to be able to save money and plan for a better future for the both of us..." said laogong.
I know you're only working but somehow I just cant be able to overcome it all yet...It's just too sudden that you've stopped being there for me after my work time...How can i stop myself from not thinking about all these?? I wondered a lot...
No one will meet me anymore after I'm off from my work,
No one will be there to have dinner together with me anymore,
No one will accompany me for window-shopping at Jurong Point anymore,
No one will hug me at night when i sleep anymore,
No one will send me back home on bicycle in the middle of the night anymore,
No one to kiss me goodbye in the morning anymore,
No one will give me a surprise to fetch me from my work place personally anymore...
All of these stolen away from me in just 24hours...I had no preparation or warnings about it...Since 1st Aug, (rainy day) I've been in a daze...I felt aimless in life very suddenly...What was i going to do or say or go to?? Eventually i went home...I felt a prick in my heart, a very sharp prick...Laogong's no longer by my side to take care of me 24/7...I could no longer have the urge to rush back home to see him...It was a terrible, horrible, terrifying, scary (whatever you call it) feeling!! I changed immediately from a optimist to a pessimist, there was no way i can stop thinking and missing Laogong's presence...On my way back home(in the train), my tears would come on and off...I walked in a daze, expressionless...Not giving a damn to what goes on around me...Why do i exxperience all these?? I missed Laogong badly, more badly than i ever could imagine, missing him too badly so bad that it was worst then while he was serving NS way back during our first few months of courtship...
He said i was silly to cry cuz he's only working...Laogong said he missed me a lot too and he hates doing night shift but he has no choice...Yes, i'm silly (i admit it) but i just cant help feeling like this!! I don't wish for you to worry about me too but i could'nt do it cuz i'm a weak-minded lady...I realized that i could'nt adhere to Laogong's sudden change of shift work and i really needed him by my side badly...For the pass few days since 1st Aug, I've been crying (feeling very depressed) and thinking...Perhaps I've been behaving like because of my PMS...I don't know but whenever i thought about not being able to see Laogong in the night, my tears would just flow...I'm sorry for not being a good Laopo to you, my dear...I know i've made you worry-sicked and because of me even though you're tired, you still had to care about me instead of your own health first...
All these days, I slept at 2-3plus am in the night and waking up at 8am in the morning just to meet up with Laogong and be with him for a short 2hours then go for my work...All these days, it's been raining and so am i...I would always cry when i about to leave for work, I really miss you alot, Laogong!! I know you felt it and you felt heart pain, i'm so sorry to have cause to you so much miseries...I've promised not to cry but i just cant do it..I know i'm disturbing you from resting but I just wanted to see you beforer i leave for work...For i could no longer see you at night or have you hugging me to sleep anymore...I'm really very sad...Too emotional I guessed...
Now I'm still hurting but have had stopped crying so much already cuz i've been meeting Laogong every morning...Today after my work, I stopped by at Bossini which is on the same row as my work place, spent an hour and a half inside buying clothes for Laogong, my kid-bro and myself...keke...things to keep me from being sad, I bought 2 polo tees and a normal tee for Laogong, a spiderman tee for my bro and 2 tops for myself...A total of $40 spent...Laogong does'nt know that i bought for him clothings(smiles*)...Tommoro is his off day(i took leave as well, Laogong don't knows!! shhh!! It's a surprise!! (n,n)hehe), he says to accompany me after my work and will bring me to the movies...I longed for this day!! (grins*) I'll try my best to be a good Laopo and be more strong-willed...Laogong is in for a surprise tommmoro morning!! lol...
I love you!! muacks*